I made a birth vision, not plan, because I anticipated this experience would require surrender of any and all control. My wish was for an unmedicated, low intervention hospital birth.

Why? I wanted to prove to myself that my mind and body are capable of more than I had known. As someone with health anxiety, this was my ultimate strength test. I wanted to “feel it all.”

I did also have lingering mistrust of the medical system and knew one intervention likely meant 2, 3… or more.

I had been dilated for a week and at 39 weeks on the dot at 3:33 AM, I woke up to the full moon glaring through my bedroom window. I immediately felt a “leak” with very light contractions and wondered — is this it?

I had an appointment with my midwife that morning. She confirmed the leak was minor amniotic fluid (yes, the “water” that eventually breaks) and I was 2 cm dilated. On a monitor she could see contractions every 5 minutes, but they were so minor I didn’t feel them.

We decided to send me home to continue looking for labor signs there. She anticipated 24-48 hours before baby’s arrival.

On the car ride home I started feeling contractions the way they describe them to you. Oh, it’s happening now.

I spent the afternoon resting and doing things I loved to get my oxytocin boosting and waited for signs that I was in stronger pain. Justin then noticed a change in my demeanor and a more grunting-like sound through each contraction (now 3 minutes apart) so with the hospital being 40 minutes away we got in the car.

Stopping here to say if I could do one thing differently, it would’ve been to stay home much longer… you’ll see.

In triage they told me I was only 3 cm — not enough to be admitted into labor & delivery — so we spent the night in a tiny room doing all the things to move it along. Four hours later at 4 cm, we entered the room I'd deliver in.

After 24 hours of unmedicated labor, I was at 6 cm. My body needed fuel and rest, but I had nothing left in me to give… 

The pain was absolutely unbearable. Later we learned my cervix was tilted, which was causing the high intensity contractions. Almost like back labor.

I was in and out of what felt like consciousness — somewhere in between a hypnobirthing meditation, the hospital beeps, my wailing screams, people taking turns squeezing my hips.

After discussing it with my medical team and family, I asked for a light epidural. The process actually wasn't as scary as I thought — it didn’t hurt one bit and with the ability to move my legs and lower body I still felt that sense of bodily control I wanted. I finally took a long awaited nap.

As I expected (and why I wanted to avoid it) the epidural lowered my blood pressure so I needed an IV of medication. I didn’t progress a single bit for hours.

By this point we were more than 30 hours in and while baby remained healthy, we started getting to the point where all of this could stress her body — so, we manually broke my water and added Pitocin to speed things up.

I woke up a few hours later and said, “Call the nurses — I feel the baby coming out.” And yep, 10 cm dilated.

At that point I was so desperate to meet my baby, I literally pushed her out in less than 15 minutes (we have a video to prove it, ha) and she came out wailing at the hands of Justin “catching her” to Dancing Queen.

Everything after that was pure bliss — a high that can’t be described. We did it safely and positively. Honestly, I would 10/10 recommend the medicated experience too. I felt like I got both, ha! And my “why” was met. I proved to myself I’m much stronger than I thought. 

The absolute best day of our entire lives.
- Lissette

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It was a one-of-a-kind experience. Wouldn’t have traded it for anything. It really helped that we were prepared for it and had a lot of help. My memory is really focused on everything Lissette went through physically. I knew my job was to get her through the other side. Through pain, through the mental hurdles, all of it. And it was really special that the hospital team let me assist with getting our baby out so I could hand her over to Lissette and have that special moment with her. It was truly the happiest day of my life in so many ways.  - Justin

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