Hi, I’m Mary Farrelly, a certified NICU nurse, doula, and educator. I’ve spent my career supporting NICU babies and their families, bridging the gap between the medical model of NICU care and the holistic, family-centered approach that doulas and support professionals provide. My mission is simple: to bring more joy and less trauma to the NICU experience through empowered education — for parents, doulas, and other birth professionals.

Every day, I receive questions from families and birth workers who want to feel more prepared for the NICU, whether it’s an expected part of their journey or a complete surprise. Today, I’m answering some of the most common questions I hear to help you navigate this experience with confidence and support.

Q: I’m pregnant and just found out my baby may need a NICU stay. How can I prepare?

First of all — take a deep breath, you’ve got this. I know this wasn’t part of your plan, but there are things you can do right now to feel more confident and in control before your baby arrives. And know that there are so many people who will be there to support you through the NICU journey.

• Get familiar with your NICU. If possible, request a NICU tour and ask about policies around visitation, skin-to-skin, and parental involvement in care.
• Meet your NICU care team. Connecting with a neonatologist, NICU nurse, or lactation consultant before birth can help you feel more at ease when the time comes.
• Prepare for pumping if breastfeeding is your goal. Many NICU babies aren’t able to breastfeed right away, so having a pump and knowing how to use it before birth can make a big difference. Schedule a prenatal lactation consult to ensure you have the right flange size, storage plan, and pumping schedule in place.

💡 Resource: My NICU Toolkit includes a NICU Birth Plan Template, NICU 101 video, and supportive handouts to help you feel more prepared. Use code EDUCATEDBIRTH for 25% off here.

Even if you don’t expect a NICU stay, 1 in 10 babies in the U.S. spend time in the NICU, and nearly half of NICU babies are full-term. That’s why I recommend all birthing people include the NICU as a part of their birth plan — not out of fear, but so you can make informed decisions if things change unexpectedly.

💡 Free Resource: Download my NICU Birth Plan Template here to ensure you’re prepared for any birth outcome. Print it out, fill it out once and tuck it away knowing it’s there if you need it.

Q: My baby is getting ready for NICU discharge, and I’m excited and scared at the same time. What can I do to feel more prepared?

You’re not alone — leaving the NICU can be just as overwhelming as entering it. Going from 24/7 nursing care to being on your own is a huge shift, but here are some ways to ease the transition:

• Choose your pediatrician wisely. Pediatric care after the NICU can be complex. If possible, interview pediatricians ahead of time and ask about their experience with preemies or medically complex infants. The right provider can make all the difference.
• Practice with your home feeding system. Many NICUs use disposable hospital bottles, which won’t be what you use at home. Before discharge, bring in the bottles and nipples you plan to use so you can practice feeding in a familiar environment.
• Build your nest. Your baby’s health depends on your well-being, too. Set up a strong postpartum support system, including meal prep, childcare help (if needed), and emotional support. If someone asks, “How can I help?”—hand them a meal train link or a to do list of tangible things that can help with your day-to-day tasks.

💡 Free Resource: Grab my NICU Discharge Checklist here to help you plan a smooth transition home. If you want more personalized support, I also offer virtual NICU doula consults here.

Q: I’m a doula supporting a client with a high-risk pregnancy, and her baby may need NICU time. This wasn’t covered in my training! What can I do?

You’re not alone! Most doula trainings don’t include NICU education, leaving doulas unsure how to support clients in this space. But here’s the truth: 1 in 10 babies go to the NICU, meaning every doula should have a basic understanding of NICU support.

Here are some ways you can help right now:

• Support breastfeeding goals. If your partner hopes to breastfeed/bodyfeed, help them get set up with a pump right away and encourage frequent expression. Many NICU babies can’t eat by mouth immediately, so pumping ensures a strong milk supply for when direct breastfeeding becomes an option.
• Encourage bonding, even when separated. Some NICUs allow skin-to-skin contact, but even if holding isn’t possible yet, encourage hand hugs, scent hearts, and reading/talking to baby—these small acts can be deeply comforting for both baby and parent.
• Validate your emotions. NICU parents often experience guilt and grief, especially if their birth plan didn’t go as expected. Avoid "at least" statements (e.g., "At least they’re in a great NICU") and instead, hold space for her feelings without trying to fix them.
• Make postpartum healing a priority. NICU parents often neglect their own recovery because they’re so focused on their baby. A doula’s role in ensuring proper postpartum care can help prevent perinatal mood disorders (which affect up to 80% of NICU parents!).

💡 Want to deepen your NICU knowledge? I offer a free workshop, From Crisis to Comfort: How Doulas Can Make a Difference in the NICU Experience register here, or check out my full Navigating the NICU for Doulas training here.

Final Thoughts

Whether you’re a pregnant parent preparing for the NICU, a NICU family navigating discharge, or a doula supporting clients through the unknown, I hope this helped you feel a little more confident. The NICU is a world of resilience, strength, and love, and with the right knowledge and support, you can navigate it with empowerment instead of fear.

If you’re looking for more resources or 1:1 support, you can connect with me:

📩 Follow me on Instagram @thenicutranslator
📚 Explore my NICU resources on The NICU Translator Website

And remember – the NICU is only the beginning and there is so much joy ahead💕

Disclaimer: The information provided in this article is for educational and informational purposes only and should not be considered medical advice. Every NICU experience is unique, and parents and caregivers should always consult with their healthcare providers for guidance specific to their baby’s needs. Additionally, while doulas and support professionals can play an important role in assisting NICU families, their support should complement—not replace—medical advice and care from licensed healthcare providers.

‍